Create #41 - The Doomed Relationship Model
1. Announcements/Offers
How was this marriage saved?
I was very moved to receive this success story from a reader of my ‘The Truth About Women’ ebook:
"David, I have to say thank you sooooo MUCH!!! My husband and I seemed to be worlds apart until I found your ebook. We were in such bad shape I thought there was no where left to go.
We starting reading 'The Truth About Women' together about a week ago and it was as if the light came on. He actually looked at me and said "I GET IT!” I understand now what you've been trying to tell me all along"
We have our good days and our bad days, but the bad ones are becoming far less and when we need to we just reference your ebook to seek coaching!
I know this all sounds so stereotypical but it is the truth. Thank you so much. You have truly saved a family from it's own demise!"
Tracey Iverson
West Chester PA USA
gtkiverson @ aol.com
Click here for ‘The Truth About Women’
2. FEATURE: The Doomed Relationship Model
This is excerpted from my eBook, 'The Truth About Women'.
The Giving Woman
This relationship model is one that too many relationships are wallowing in.
Women are taught from an early age to be giving, and to look after their man. They learn that a
woman is valued in society when she 'lands a man', gets married and has children. This places enormous pressure on her to find a man and keep him happy.
Combined with this, she is fully aware that she will become less and less 'marketable' as a wife as she ages, so time to find a man is running out.
The Achieving Man
Little boys learn that achieving is good - build bridges, skyscrapers, and fly to the moon. They do not dream of their wedding day and being a husband, but rather what they will be when they grow up.
While men are well-meaning, they are more self-focused than partner-focused - that is, they are selfish. And men do not suffer the same time pressure to marry, because for them time does not run out in the way that it does for women - in fact, many men become more marketable, not less, with age!
Craving Attention
Women desire, in fact thrive on attention. When her partner is thinking about her, giving her what she asks for, and even giving her what she wants before she asks for it, a woman shines. She is radiant, and it spills over to those around her - including her man.
However, most men are not taught to focus on their partner. They learn to focus on their own needs. Combined with this, they are not as intuitive as women, and therefore often do not naturally know what their partner needs or wants.
She takes this lack of attention personally, reading it as a signal that she is not loved.
Not Asking
It gets worse. If women were taught that it was OK to ask for what they wanted, and that they deserved attention, we might have a fighting chance of succeeding in relationships. If this were the case, women might then clearly communicate to their men what they want so that the men could provide it.
However, women learn that they are not to want too much; rather, it is more important to be giving - to be a good partner. Women are in this way trained or conditioned to give, acting out of a feeling of obligation, or fear that the man will leave them if they don't do it. This is not the same as giving from choice.
Sad Relationship Model
Thus we have a relationship model which is quite sad once we clearly see its dynamics, yet which is almost universal! Women crave attention, but are taught to provide for their man. Men love to achieve goals, and have the potential to be excellent providers, yet have not learned to focus on their partner. Even if they did, they would not have a clear understanding of what their partner wanted.
The Cost
The result of all this is that the woman is often frustrated, and - not trained to understand what she is lacking and to ask for it - will often 'act out' in ways which are not pleasant for either partner. The man is often well-meaning, but clueless. This has unfortunate consequences for both partners.
Firstly, the woman is missing out on the attention she desires and needs in order to shine as a powerful woman. Secondly, the man is missing out on the fulfillment he would get from meeting her needs. Thirdly, he misses out on the numerous benefits of having a having a lit up, radiant partner - which is actually what he most craves. Last but not least, her frustration will have a very strong negative effect on the relationship.
***
Next issue we will discuss the Winning Relationship Model. Or you can start improving your relationship right now in, 'The Truth About Women'.
Best Regards,
P.S. If you have any comments on this newsletter, we'd love you to share them
here on the blog .
3. The Personal Touch
As usual, my update feels like a pretty big one.
In February I went back to Australia to close out a phase of my life and officially move to the USA. Visited Dr. Rob in the Philippines and ended up deciding to spend some more time and do some consulting there.
Back to New York for just a month of fun with friends, and then the travel started all over again! Yanik Silver internet marketing conference in Washington D.C. Then flew to Morocco for the Young Entrepreneurs conference (these are people under 40 turning over at least $1m pa in their own businesses. I was fortunate enough to go as a guest.) Made GREAT contacts, good friends, and have some cool pics.
Then it was onto Qatar for 24 hours (I didn't even know it was a country), and now I'm in the Philippines spending time with Rob and Nathan. OK - I'm off to play badminton and rock climb.
David
11 Comments:
SOME SEXES CHOOSE THE SAME SEX!!!!!!
I'TS ABOUT TIME PEOPLE REALIZED THAT!!!!!!!!!
This message is not going to be popular but the truth never is. What you said in your newsletter about giving women attention, etc. blah, blah..sounds good and all but doesnt work in real life. Many women today are sooooo messed up. If you give them attention and treat them right, they see it as a sign of weakness and often go after and choose men who are more "dangerous" and "difficult/edgy" because it is more exciting for them. I see soooo many women complain and complain about how bad men are but they are always with guys who mistreat and abuse them and when they get with someone who does all the things you talk about in your newsletter...they become bored with nice guys.
Unable to access your ebook The Truth About Women. I cried when I read the eamil from Solution Box.com - There is no hope for my marriage (31 long, hard years of putting his education, job and ego first) but I truly believe others can benefit if they are reached earlier in their relationship.
SAME SEX: I do realise that - I just choose not to write about it. You can still apply this information to same sex relationships. One person will normally play a more feminine role, and one a more masculine role. And these may switch from time to time! So apply this information to roles, not genders.
WEAKENESS: Easiest is to choose a woman who is ready and willing to to receive. My guess is that if she is not receiving, she doesn't trust it or you. It's up to you if you're willing to put the time and energy into showing her you are trustable.
I appreciate that you keep your blog going and allow comments. To me feedback is an interesting part of a website.
Jelissa
Bluuzmn - If you read the book and still feel that way, I'd love to hear your feedback.
And I like your suggstion. I'll spend more time with young American women! ;-)
Is any relationship really truly equal at one time? Does it really matter about which role either takes? As a relationship counsellor I've met both men and women who could and do play either role, a lot comes down to conditioning by parents, society etc. Put simply in most relationships there are three roles 1. The admired/loved 2. The admirer/lover and 3. Both or neither! We can flit from one to another within our relationship. Think about it - what's your role at the moment?
I'm 42 and still single b/c marriage seems like it's almost impossible...mainly b/c of the differences between men and women. I watched my parents have a horrible relationship and certainly don't want that. Thank you for putting those differences in writing and shedding light on this subject.
I would like to comment on the man who wrote that women want men who are difficult/edgy and that women are w/ men who abuse them. That's not true in alot of womens' case, perhaps just true w/ the type of women you are choosing. Maybe take a look at why you are choosing women who don't want you. Are these women similar to how your mother treated you? I'm not trying to cause a fight, just offering my opinion on your general-sweeping statement about women.
Definitely feel ya on the girls that like guys that treet them poorly, my experience (unfortunately a lot in this area). Almost 100% of the time you will find an unpleasant childhood, where the Dad was not nice, caring or loving and several times there was some type of abuse, very often sexual.
They can really be the most amazing loving caring people until something snaps inside of them, they get terrified and can't trust that someone really could love them and they run back to what's familiar, usually their last X, the one they say they hate so much.
Not much you can do with these types of women, they need to heal themselves and get help for themselves.
You have to realize that all they know is bad relationships and they don't know how to function in a good one, so you really can't do anything about it, unless you want to become an ass, but, even that wouldn't work because they have already developed true feelings for you which terrifies them.
Unlike the jerk that their with, which the only real feelings they have for them is playing out their childhood drama's and trying desperately to get validation from the one person they could find who would never give it...and if he actually did, she would be gone.
"The Giving Woman
This relationship model is one that too many relationships are wallowing in.
Women are taught from an early age to be giving, and to look after their man. They learn that a
woman is valued in society when she 'lands a man', gets married and has children. This places enormous pressure on her to find a man and keep him happy.
Combined with this, she is fully aware that she will become less and less 'marketable' as a wife as she ages, so time to find a man is running out. "
Men are ALSO taught this, and they USE IT AS LEVERAGE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN.
Selfish asshole bastards.
And if a woman gets attention for her work outside the home instead, society dubs her a selfish bitch.
Until men and women are taught differently, why does the know-it-all author think anything is going to change? Men aren't going to read a book about women. They think they know everything already.
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