Create #48: Beyond the Conditioned Mind
1. Announcements/Offers
Ladies: Join the R&D Team for our New Women's Book!
Many of you have read the relationship guide for men at www.TruthAboutWomen.net. Well, it's time to write the relationship guide for women, with women's spokesperson Cindy Joseph.
I'm assembling an R&D (Research and Development) team just for this book. So ladies, if you have any interest in how to win with your guy, how to get more of what you want from him, or just to have more fun with him, send a blank email to david38-233431@autocontactor.com to join this new R&D team. Every now and then I'll send out some questions for you, and may even run the audio interviews past you for comment and questions!
Dave & Ez Hit Oz
I've had to go to Australia for a last minute business trip (writing this on the plane now), and decided to bring my good buddy and coach Ezra along. We're turning it into a two week vacation/party, and Ez will be blogging each day or so on what we're up to. If you'd like to follow along, you can do so here (give us a day or two to get started on it):
http://koalajuice.blogspot.com
How to Be Happy
Happiness is not something that can be attained through wealth, therapy, or relationships. It's inside every one of us, all of the time.
Paul Lowe (the guy I've learned a lot from) states: "You have happiness inside you now. Eternal dancing blissful happiness, inside you now ... Inside each person there is a something that is unaffected by anything."
He suggests: "If you are not happy, the intelligent thing is to make [happiness] your priority. Find that place inside you."
In his "How to Be Happy" CD, Paul explains how our conditioning obscures our natural state of joy and contentment, and how acceptance of each moment is the key to true happiness. Paul talks about the different vibrations we give out when we're happy, in complaint, or resisting the moment - and how a simple change in attitude can bring about a major shift in our interactions with the world.
(Personal Note: I bought this CD myself, and it rocks! I will be listening to it several times)
Cost for the CD is US$19 (15 Euro or 10 GBP) plus shipping. To order, send an email directly to Mia at buy@miamedia.org.
2. FEATURE: Beyond the Conditioned Mind
This Guest Article provided courtesy of one of my mentors, Paul Lowe: PaulLowe.org* * *
We each live in our own individual world. It may not look like it, but 6 billion people live in 6 billion separate realities.
The way we see and experience the world is determined by how we grew up, the attitudes, opinions, beliefs and limitations we were given. In other words, by the conditioning we received to our minds and emotions.
This conditioning effects the way in which we see things. It is as though we are looking out of a window with curved glass - everything appears distorted. This distortion is created by our conditioning.
It isn't so
We think that which we see is the way things are, but it is not so. We are actually seeing through the distortion of our conditioned mind and this puts a spin on to our whole life and how we perceive ourselves. It is a huge handicap and certainly prevents us from reaching our maximum potential.When we begin to disconnect from our mind and its fixed opinions an unexplainable mystery happens - life gets easier and better and better. Everything starts to click into place. Anger and judgment dissipate, a feeling of freedom descends and a gentle peace starts to permeate our whole being.
With that phenomenon comes another phase that keeps us moving and growing. We begin to recognise that life presents us with what we need to evolve into our greatest potential as a human being.
To take advantage of this possibility: be more adventurous, experiment, take a few risks. More aliveness happens in unpredictable situations. You only have one short life, and this is it. Live it to the full and don't take it too seriously. Have fun!
Action
- What is your conditioning? Identify ways in which your perception is distorted.
- Think of one risk you can take this week.
- Take that risk, in a spirit of adventure.
- Share your experience at the blog.
3. The Personal Touch
I love writing this section - it's like my diary ;-)I officially have a girlfriend: Kristina. She's smart, sassy, loving, fun, sexy, and passionate. I was pretty sure I wouldn't go back to 'poly-land', but this is what has shown up, and I'm thrilled. I'm having an absolute blast with her, and look forward to more great times.
My best buddy Ezra and I are getting even closer. Such a new feeling to be with someone who has so much attention on my happiness and goals - a little confronting at times, a little vulnerable - and I say bring it on! I'm dragging him to Australia with me, to visit the parents, kick some business goals, and have a whole heap of fun.
After four years, the relationship book specifically for women is under way! It is awesome, and I'm having a lot of fun with Cindy and Ezra on this! We have a couple of publishers interested, but we could use more, so if you have good contacts in the publishing industry, please forward to b-e-t-h@solutionbox.com (but without the dashes). US, UK or Australia are all fine.
NOTE: I'm assembling an R&D team just for this book. So ladies, if you have any interest in how to win with your guy, how to get more of what you want from him, or just to have more fun with him, send a blank email to david38-233431@autocontactor.com. Every now and then I'll send out some questions for you, and may even run the audio interviews past you for comment and questions!
I've turned my bedroom into a sultan's tent, which has been a HUGE amount of fun. I'm talking stretchy purple fabric covering the entire ceiling, and gold fabric winding down the walls like tent poles. Just ordered awesome candle holders and a 5 foot water feature - really fun to be putting so much attention on my environment.
Business wise the universe continues to provide. We've launched a limited edition of Top Coaching Techniques to the R&D team (the first coach training package of its kind in the world). If you missed out on that email b-e-t-h@solutionbox.com (no dashes) and she'll arrange a copy for you if there are any left.
I'm about to produce a DVD of the Internet Clients Webinar we did recently, a Google Pay Per Client training video specifically for a coaching campaign, plus a few other fun things. If you're interested in volunteering to join in the action, I think Beth could still use a couple (her email is above).
Love and fun,
David
P.S. Comments invited on the blog.
21 Comments:
Since my research expertise is in Stress Management, I see how we react and everything we do in terms of stress and our coping skills. Maxim #1: 90% of all stress is is self-made and therefore we can do something about it. Maxim #:You cannot change someone else but you can certainly do something about yourself. Fellow women, let go! loosen up and those around you will too.
Sounds like a great project David,
Best,Joan Vernikos
Hi David
I tend to agree, my past has been littered with the failure to attain my business goals in life, and most of this I put down to poor mental programming. My new venture of Life Coaching has given me a new lease of life, however I still am mindful of overcoming the negative mental programming from my past failures.
Regards
Patrick O'Neill
I love that this article addresses the concept of life experience in this manner. Some people, although it's hard to believe, find this a difficult concept to grasp. I often liken this same concept to each of us being born with the same set of eyeglasses on. Our life experience continually changes that prescription and leaves each of us seeing the very same world in a very different way. These are our filters and every one of us has them. Some are good and some are bad. The way that we can begin to change our attitude and ultimately affect change in our lives is to begin strengthening the eyesight that is our experience. As we change our perception, we can become healthier human beings. We may want to add a little more relationship skill or less pessimism until we get the view that becomes us and allows us to fulfill and experience all that our Creator has for us. Thank you for sharing your version of this concept. I appreciated it very much.
Nikki Hodson
I would like to say a little about how i think this conditioning affects our relationships. Our relationships as young, curious and learning little humans (children) play such a huge part in the way we experience and behave in our adult relationships.
I think the processes needed to go through to affiliate traits of ourselves with dynamics in our earlier (and continuing) experiences can be potentially difficult. Although this is not a reason to not go through them.
I honestly believe that the key to understanding someones vulnerabilities is by looking back to the points in their lives when they were most vulnerable. Childhood is the obvious time. We, as children, experienced our relationships through less tainted eyes (this tainting being the very thing that gives us our conditioned perception in our older bodies).
We learnt how to cope. 'Coping with', is different to 'dealing with', and if we did not deal with issues and trauma at the time of occurence (which for a child is certainly not a conscious decision) then we coped with it. It is the things that we coped with then, that we are vulnerable to now. Not people but traits and behaviour. At the time we just had to numb the pain, we are now numb to our awareness of it.
People honestly believe that it is an external influence that is creating unhappiness when finding a partner or friend etc. 'Why do i always end up with.......?', well the chances are, you are unreceptive to the dynamic in a relationship that once you 'coped' with. Now you cannot sense it so you let it in.
I believe that our thoughts create what we get in our future,because what we think about we attract.If someone thinks always negative he will for sure be unhappy with everything and he attracts all kind of missfortune.So in order to be happy and have a happy life, people should not talk so much about whats wrong in their lives,but to think and talk about the wonderful future there is for everyone and it will actually happen,because our mind is one of the most powerful things we got from our creator.You can get everything you want with using your imagination and believe in it.
I get the newsletter for the first time and would love to hear more what you have to teach,David.
Best wishes to you and your work,
Malka
This sounds too easy. What if situations arise beyond your control?
You Rock David! Loved 'The Personal Touch' and reading about your design concept in your bedroom! Tooo much fun! It always makes me smile to hear what other adventurous free-spirited people are doing out there...Kristina is a lucky lady and you too by the sounds of it!
Keep doin what you're doin!
Well, like many, past failures and the sense of not being "good enough" have "driven" me. While I have been very successful, I still struggle with self-confidance. I travel around the world, training pastors in the worse physical conditions on earth, mud villages and refugee camps and the largest slums in the world. Yet, I lack confidance to inspire confidance in "ME". I'm organizing and leading a building team to the bushland of Kenya in September. It's been difficult to get people to commit, so this week I'm going to take action to get commitments from my team leaders!
To Anonymous Anonymous ( What about situations out of your control?)
Situations out of your control are just that...out of your control. Why focus on a situation that you cannot control, when you can focus on a much more powerful thing...YOU. The goal should never be to control the situation or even focus on the situation; but to focus on your response to the situation which is TOTALLY in your control. Look at the power that offers you?!?! It means nothing can affect you unless you choose it to, it means that though things may happen around you, they cannot happen to you or better yet within you without your consent. This is a hard pill to swallow sometimes because it means we cannot blame the situation, but if you just rethink it- it also means we have SO MUCH POWER! Power to choose our day, our mood, our thought and yes our lives! Happiness is a choice :)
Interesting... This is almost exactly what I'm writing into my own website.
Something in the air?
My risk this week involved jumping into my coaching career. I admit, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING, but I'm not letting that stop me. I retained my first client -- my wife.
Between reading Stephen Martile's blog, your coaching guide and newsletter, and Leo's Zen Habits, I'm eager to take a leap of faith in pursuing my passion of helping others.
I'm looking for a mentor/coach to help me in finding my niche, building my brand, finding clientèle, and aiding in my own personal development along the way.
If you're interested in helping me, I'd be honored to have you as a friend and sounding board. I wish you continued success.
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Davo,
If your coming to OZ, that will unfortunately be your new ozzie name. Any chance of catching up when you get here? What's the itinerary like after you land?
Be carefull, the koalas will pee on you if not handled correctly.LOL
Cheers Chris
Davo,
Read a bit more of your blog. I've just realised that your an ozzy? You know doubt know all about the koalas. Should have picked that up when you mentioned clubs and pubs in the teleseminar,
Cheers Chris
I am new to this board, so I'll introduce myself....Hello all, My name is Anyone (decided to stay anonymous) & I reside in Pennsylvania with my finace of 5 years and my "kids"... Eight, yes, 8 felines! well, 5 are less than a week old, but the other 3 adults are just like children to us.
I have overcome many obstacles in my life...abused as a child, yet did not pass on the cycle of abuse to my own "real" children, That was one of the most positive, and at times, one of the hardest things I've ever done and one of my greatest acomplishments as well.
The death of my then 19 year old son in 2005 was a real shock to the system, which led me to a heart attack and triple bypass 9 months later (I actually physically FELT my heart break when he was found lifeless after an Overdose of a dangerous Opiate, in his room, in the same house where I live now)
Following a year of recouperation from open heart surgery while going through the grieving process at the same time was certainly no picnic either. (I still rock back and forth whenever I am in a seated position,although it is not as "frantic" as it was while I was experiencing certain stages of the grieving process, like the anger stage and the denial stage (they were the worst for me).
Anyway, rather than sitting in a rotten pile of my own self-pity, I went back to school to become a Medical Assistant (at the time of the heart attack, I only had 6 months until I would finish my Associates degree and become an R.N. so I thought I would start with something less stressful and work my way back up again. Then Wammo! I recently (2 weeks ago yesterday)lost my job as a Medical Assistant and now I am in the lines with the other unfortunate unemployed people of America. It's a tough place to be, I feel as though a power hungry boss stripped me of my ability to work again anytime in the near future! How do you answer the inevitable interview question: Why did you leave your last job?...."I was terminated" and then the certain, "Why was that?".... very long story from the way I see it. I won't go into it here!
But was wondering if I could get some tidbits from all of you positive peeps on how to stay focused on the positives in life right now (that's why I am here in the first place), but seriously..How should I address that question as I know it will come up if I EVER get an interview (Ooops, was that Ms. ugly negitivity popping her head in again)????)
Any, advice would be appreciated.
Thank you all, I will be watching the boards for any help, or advice you can offer me right now! Thank you all in advance for your thoughts on this topic...
Best Regards and wishes for a brighter future!
I have been to a few personal/leadership development seminars put on by Klemmer and Klemmer Assoc. One of these seminars deals directly with this concept of how all of our life experiences shape and create our views. They use the analogy of "wearing sunglasses with purple lenses", other people may see someone's shirt as white, while you wearing your sunglasses see this same shirt as purple.
I now see so many programs that shape my thoughts and judgements and always ask myself "why do I think/feel this way". Another great question to ask yourself when pondering a decision is, "what would love do?" Come from a place of love and openness and you will never go wrong.
Christine Thomas
This is to Anonymous who lost her job....
Don't add your last job to your resume. Start fresh. Take a few days to clear your head and get positive then go get out there and start again! Med Asst are in high demand, you will find another position....
I took a risk today and met some people I hadn't met for awhile. It was great to catch up and socialise-which I have been lacking since I moved back home.
David, re "conditioning". I agree each of us has our individual perception of the world, as some-one said, "we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are". I don't see this as being negatively "conditioned", it is merely our perception - it just is, seen as we are. Our reality is a perception based on 4 major inputs: our socialisation (or life experience as you aluded to), but also our genetic make-up, our current circumstances and a world-view based on our values, assumptions and beliefs. We can't do much about our life experience to date - what has been has been; usually, we can't do much about our genetic make-up; we do have some limited choice about our curent circumstances and our response to it; but the most fundamental area of choice is that of our beliefs and assumptions. When we choose to accept life as a fundamentally pleasant and "love-based" experience (in the true sense, not the physical sense), rather than a "fear-based" experience, we can have a positive impact on our perceptions of life.
Future risk I know: Since this is a blogg about taking risk, I have been terrified about one risk and this is leaving my marriage of almost 25 years. There are many thoughts involved in this process, but in the end it comes to the same thought. I am not happy here, too much damage has been done to be repaired, and the thoughts that are formed and keep coming back is a constant battle that in the past have been one aspect in my life stopping me from being me and reaching my goals. My perceptions of me and the world has been distorted at time because of it. More to come in the new year...
Merry Xmas,
Dale
thanks david for what i can say improvement...becouse now i can focus by plan..but one thing that i just want to ask you is that how could i be free from current problem that act as an obstracle for my prosperous foture development..and that is school fees for finishing my last year of bachelor in IT? ...kibago
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